You're in a new relationship. Things feel good—maybe even electric. You're figuring each other out, and the sex is... fine. Sometimes great. Sometimes awkward. And you're wondering: Is this normal? Should I say something? Am I overthinking this?
Yes, this is normal. And yes—what you do in the first six months matters more than most couples realize.
The sex life you build now becomes the template for later. Not permanently—nothing is written in stone—but the patterns, the comfort level, the communication habits, the willingness to be honest: these stick. Couples who figure out how to talk about desire early, who prioritize pleasure and vulnerability from the start, don't just have better sex. They have better relationships.
Let me be direct: you don't need to be perfect at sex right now. You need to be curious, honest, and brave enough to ask for what you want. Here's how.
Start With Honesty, Not Assumption
Most new couples fall into the same trap: you assume your partner knows what you like. Or you assume they like what you like. Or you avoid the topic entirely because "good" sex should be intuitive.
It isn't. And that assumption costs you months of mediocre sex and missed connection.
Here's what actually works: early on—and I mean in the first few weeks, not months—have a real conversation about sex. Not during sex. Not right after. Sit down, maybe with coffee or a drink, and ask direct questions:
- What did you like about your previous sexual experiences?
- What felt off or uncomfortable?
- Are there things you've wanted to try but haven't?
- What does good foreplay look like for you?
- How important is frequency to you?
- What's a deal-breaker for you sexually?
Yes, this feels vulnerable. That's the point. Vulnerability is the foundation of good sex. And doing it early—before you've settled into avoidance patterns—makes everything that follows easier.
💡 Pro Tip: If talking face-to-face feels too intense right now, the Dr. Bloom app has guided prompts and a "shared desire" tool that lets you both answer questions independently and then see where you align. It removes some of the pressure and gives you a structured starting point.
Make Pleasure—Both People's Pleasure—Non-Negotiable
Here's something I see constantly: new couples equate sex with intercourse. Foreplay is a warm-up. Aftercare is optional. Orgasm is the finish line.
This is why so much early-relationship sex is forgettable.
Instead, think of sex as a spectrum of pleasure. Kissing, touching, oral sex, penetration, sensation play—they're all equally valuable. And here's the critical part: both of you getting pleasure matters equally.
If you're a man and your partner is a woman, this is especially important. Studies consistently show that women orgasm more reliably during partnered sex when there's extended foreplay and direct clitoral stimulation. If you're skipping to penetration, you're not giving her the conditions she needs. And she's likely not going to advocate for herself if you haven't created a culture where that's safe.
If you're both women, both men, or in any other configuration: the principle is the same. Know what your partner's body responds to. Ask. Experiment. Prioritize their pleasure intentionally, not as an afterthought.
This also means: if someone isn't enjoying something, stop doing it. Not with resentment. With curiosity. "That didn't seem to work for you—what would feel better?" Create an environment where feedback is normal and welcome.
Find Your Rhythm Without Settling Into Routine
In the first six months, you're establishing how often you have sex and what that looks like. This matters because frequency often decreases after the honeymoon phase. If you're having sex once a week now and both enjoying it, that's sustainable. If you're having it four times a week out of initial lust alone, expect that to drop—and have a conversation about what feels right for both of you when it does.
Frequency isn't about obligation. It's about connection. Some couples thrive on sex three times a week. Others do great on twice a month. What matters is that both partners feel satisfied and not resentful.
The rhythm you establish now should reflect what you actually both want—not what you think you should want. And it should leave room for spontaneity. Scheduled sex gets a bad reputation, but it actually works: when you know sex is happening Tuesday evening, you can build anticipation. You can prepare mentally and physically. You can make it good.
But also: leave space for the unplanned moments. A kiss that turns into more. A random afternoon. The point is balance—enough structure that neither of you feels neglected, enough spontaneity that it still feels alive.
💡 Pro Tip: Use the Dr. Bloom app's daily check-in feature to stay connected about desire and intimacy. It takes two minutes and keeps the conversation going, so you're not just checking in during sex itself.
Talk About What Isn't Working—Before Resentment Builds
This is the one that separates couples who have great sex from couples who fake it.
If something doesn't feel good, say it now. Not in a way that shames your partner. But directly: "I think I need more time before penetration" or "That position doesn't feel good for me" or "I'm not that into that—can we try something else?"
New partners are often eager to please and willing to adjust. That willingness erodes over time if you don't use it. By month six, if you've been avoiding mentioning that you don't like something, you're building a whole foundation of frustration.
Be specific. Be kind. Be brave.
And if your partner brings something up, receive it without defensiveness. Their feedback isn't a critique of you as a person. It's information about what their body needs. That's a gift.
Frequently Asked Questions
How often should we be having sex in a new relationship? There's no universal "right" answer, but the research suggests couples typically have sex 1–3 times per week early on, with some variance. What matters more than frequency is that both of you feel satisfied. If one person wants it twice a week and the other wants it four times a week, that's a conversation—not a problem you ignore.
Is it weird to schedule sex when we're still in the honeymoon phase? Not weird at all. Scheduled sex actually removes some of the pressure and anxiety. You both know it's coming. You can anticipate it. You can make it intentional and good. Far better than one person always initiating and the other always responding.
What if we have different sex drives? This is incredibly common and not a death sentence. The key is talking about it early and finding a rhythm that works for both of you—which might mean the person with the higher drive sometimes initiates solo activity, or you find creative compromises (one person might want sex three times a week; maybe you do it twice together and that satisfies both). Read more about mismatched desire here.
Should we talk about fantasies and kinks now, or wait until we know each other better? Now. Not in an overwhelming way, but yes. You don't have to act on every fantasy immediately, but sharing them builds intimacy and trust. If you wait a year, it gets harder to introduce. Early on, curiosity feels natural. Later, it can feel like a big confession.
The bottom line: The sex you have in the first six months is partly about pleasure, sure. But mostly it's about building a culture of honesty, curiosity, and mutual care that makes all the sex that comes after better. Start there, and you're building something real.
Dr. Bloom helps couples move from awkward to connected—starting now. Try free →