How Praising During Sex Boosts Pleasure and Confidence

Praising dirty talk foreplay

The most effective sex tool you own costs nothing and takes three words: telling your partner exactly what feels good, out loud, while it's happening.

Why It Works

Verbal affirmation triggers dopamine release in the brain's reward circuitry, which heightens arousal and makes sensations feel more intense. When a partner hears that they're doing something right, their own stress response drops and their nervous system shifts toward the parasympathetic state needed for relaxed, responsive arousal. Specific praise also gives the receiving partner precise feedback, so they can refine what they're doing instead of guessing.

How To Try It

  1. 1. Start with a low, steady sound or simple phrase like 'yes, right there' as soon as your partner touches a spot you enjoy, so they learn the response quickly.
  2. 2. Name the specific action, such as 'slower' or 'harder on that side,' rather than general praise, so the feedback is actionable and they feel capable.
  3. 3. Mirror their effort back to them with words like 'you're doing so well' or 'I love how you're touching me,' which reinforces their confidence and keeps them engaged.
  4. 4. Ask a question during a pause, like 'Do you want to keep going like this?', so praise becomes a two-way exchange that builds trust.
  5. 5. As you approach climax, get loud and specific with your praise, naming exactly what is building the sensation, which lets your partner feel the direct impact of their effort in the moment you peak.

Pro Tip

Pro tip: Praise your partner's effort even when a technique isn't working, then redirect with a suggestion, since this keeps them relaxed and willing to experiment rather than anxious about performing.

Dr. Bloom is a private coach for couples. Free to start on iPhone and the web.