How to Choose and Use Lube for Better Sensation

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The most common reason sex hurts isn't a lack of arousal, it's friction, and the fix is often a single drop of the right lubricant applied at the right moment.

Why It Works

Vaginal lubrication comes from fluid transuded through the vaginal walls during arousal, and it can drop with stress, medications, hormonal changes, or low arousal. Without enough fluid, friction stimulates nerve endings in a way that feels raw rather than pleasurable and can cause micro-tears in delicate tissue. Adding a water-based or silicone-based lubricant reduces that friction, so skin glides smoothly and the nerve signals associated with touch shift toward pleasure.

How To Try It

  1. 1. Choose your lube type: water-based for compatibility with condoms and toys, silicone-based for longer-lasting slickness in water or shower sex, and avoid oil-based products with latex condoms.
  2. 2. Warm a small amount between your fingers before applying, since cold lube can cause tension in the body.
  3. 3. Apply lube to your partner's fingers, the penis, or the vulva and vaginal opening, then add more as needed rather than starting with a large amount.
  4. 4. Reapply during play as the lube absorbs, especially before penetration and during longer sessions.
  5. 5. Keep the lube close and reapply a fresh layer just before penetration, so the first moment of entry feels smooth and easy for both of you.

Pro Tip

Pro tip: Use a lube with a thicker, gel-like consistency for anal play and a thinner one for clitoral stimulation, because thickness changes how much sensation comes through.

Dr. Bloom is a private coach for couples. Free to start on iPhone and the web.