How to Choose and Use Lube for Better Sex

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The lube you reach for by habit may be the reason sex feels uncomfortable, and switching to the right one can change everything.

Why It Works

Friction irritates the delicate tissues of the vulva, vagina, and anus, and dryness reduces the natural lubrication that arousal normally produces. Lube reduces friction and keeps tissue hydrated, which prevents micro-tears and the stinging that makes the nervous system flag pain and tense the pelvic floor. Less tension means arousal can build more easily, since muscle guarding works against blood flow and relaxation.

How To Try It

  1. 1. Choose a water-based lube for toys and condoms, or a silicone-based lube for longer-lasting slickness in water or during anal sex; avoid oil-based lube with latex condoms.
  2. 2. Apply a small amount to your fingers or the toy first, then warm it between your palms for a few seconds to reduce the cold shock.
  3. 3. Add lube to the entry point and your partner's fingers or penis before penetration, not just once at the start.
  4. 4. Reapply every few minutes during longer sessions, especially when switching from fingers to toys or moving between vaginal and anal play.
  5. 5. Finish by adding a fresh layer right before penetration, so the first deep thrust glides instead of catching.

Pro Tip

Pro tip: Keep a second bottle of lube nearby during anal play, since silicone formulas stay slick longer and reduce the chance of tearing when the first application wears thin.

Dr. Bloom is a private coach for couples. Free to start on iPhone and the web.