How to Have Makeup Sex After a Fight That Actually Works

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The most intense sex often follows an argument, because the same surge of adrenaline that fuels a fight can be channeled into arousal.

Why It Works

Conflict triggers a rise in adrenaline and norepinephrine, which heightens physical alertness and makes the body more reactive to touch. Once the tension starts to ease, the brain's reward system releases dopamine and oxytocin, so relief and closeness can feel more pleasurable than they would on an ordinary day. The emotional release of resolving a fight also lowers defensiveness, making it easier to be vulnerable and present.

How To Try It

  1. 1. Take a few minutes apart to lower your heart rate, then reconnect with slow, deliberate breathing together so both of you settle.
  2. 2. Start with non-sexual touch like holding hands, a long hug, or resting your forehead against your partner's, letting the tension leave your shoulders.
  3. 3. Move into a slow kiss, pausing to make eye contact between kisses so the emotional reset stays present.
  4. 4. Shift into more intentional touch, pacing your movements and letting the build-up stretch out as you both let go of the argument.
  5. 5. Pause just before climax and hold each other, then let release come as the final moment of reconciliation.

Pro Tip

Pro tip: Name the specific thing you both agreed on before getting physical, since saying it out loud signals resolution to the nervous system and deepens the release.

Dr. Bloom is a private coach for couples. Free to start on iPhone and the web.