How to Relax Your Throat for Swallowing During Oral Sex

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The muscles that make swallowing easy are the same ones that tense up when you're nervous, so the most effective prep has nothing to do with technique and everything to do with breathing.

Why It Works

Swallowing is a reflex coordinated by the pharyngeal muscles and the vagus nerve, and anxiety triggers sympathetic activation that tightens the throat and suppresses the swallow reflex's smooth timing. Slow nasal exhales shift the nervous system toward parasympathetic activity, which lowers muscle tone in the throat and softens the gag reflex. Relaxation also reduces the feeling of pressure, so the sensation becomes more manageable and less startling.

How To Try It

  1. 1. Before starting, take three slow breaths through your nose, exhaling longer than you inhale to calm your nervous system.
  2. 2. Keep your jaw loose and your tongue relaxed and flat rather than pressed up against the roof of your mouth.
  3. 3. Set a comfortable pace together and let your partner move gently, with pauses so you can breathe and reset.
  4. 4. When you feel ready, take a slow breath through your nose, hold it briefly, and swallow in one smooth motion as the release happens.
  5. 5. Pull back for a moment after swallowing so you can breathe, sip water if you like, and check in with each other about what felt good.

Pro Tip

Pro tip: Keeping a glass of water nearby and taking a small sip before you begin can lubricate the throat and reduce the dryness that makes swallowing feel harder.

Dr. Bloom is a private coach for couples. Free to start on iPhone and the web.