How to Tease With Your Tongue for Better Arousal

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The fastest way to build arousal is often to slow down and avoid the most sensitive spot entirely, letting anticipation do much of the work.

Why It Works

Nerve endings around the lips, inner thighs, and genital area are densely packed, so light, indirect stimulation activates them strongly without desensitizing them. Anticipation also triggers dopamine release in the brain's reward circuitry, which amplifies pleasure when direct contact finally comes. Repeated teasing builds tension that makes the eventual sensation feel more intense.

How To Try It

  1. 1. Start by kissing the inner thighs, hips, and lower stomach, moving slowly and avoiding the genitals entirely for at least a few minutes.
  2. 2. Use the flat of your tongue for long, light strokes that run near but not directly over the most sensitive areas, varying your pressure and speed.
  3. 3. Pull back and blow gently or lightly breathe across the skin so the temperature change registers, then return with the tongue.
  4. 4. Circle slowly around the outer areas, gradually moving inward in small increments while watching your partner's breathing and body response.
  5. 5. When your partner's breathing quickens and their hips begin to move, slide your tongue directly across the clitoris or tip of the penis in one slow, deliberate stroke.

Pro Tip

Pro tip: Alternate teasing with brief pauses where you stop completely, since the sudden absence of sensation often heightens the response to the next touch.

Dr. Bloom is a private coach for couples. Free to start on iPhone and the web.