How to Use a Strap-On Safely and Comfortably

Strap-on strap-on pegging anal

The biggest mistake people make with a strap-on is rushing in, because the receiving partner's muscles tense up and make penetration far more painful than it needs to be.

Why It Works

The anal and vaginal canals are lined with muscle that contracts reflexively when it senses pressure or fear, a response driven by the sympathetic nervous system. Relaxing that muscle through slow breathing and arousal lets the tissue lengthen and lubrication increase, reducing friction and microtears. Warm-up time also allows blood flow to the area to rise, which improves sensation and makes the experience more pleasurable for the receiving partner.

How To Try It

  1. 1. Choose a body-safe silicone or medical-grade harness and attachment, then apply plenty of water-based or silicone-based lubricant to both the toy and the entrance.
  2. 2. Start with foreplay, such as manual or oral stimulation, for at least 10 to 15 minutes so the receiving partner's body is aroused and relaxed.
  3. 3. Have the receiving partner breathe slowly and exhale as the toy is introduced, pausing whenever their muscles tighten.
  4. 4. Begin with just the tip and move in small, shallow motions, adding depth only when the receiver says they are ready.
  5. 5. Once fully inserted, pause and let them adjust before moving, then build a steady rhythm that matches their feedback.

Pro Tip

Pro tip: Keep a second bottle of lubricant nearby, since most strap-on discomfort comes from dry friction that develops within a few minutes of use.

Dr. Bloom is a private coach for couples. Free to start on iPhone and the web.